A Letter To My 18 Year Old Self

Hey girl,

Look at you, slaying the game every day at school. Things go a little wild in the second semester. That dude you decide to date? Yeah, go ahead and date him but maybe don’t lose sight of your dreams so fast. Keep some of your individuality and goals. Just because he wants to sleep with you doesn’t mean he’ll keep his promises, and you’re right to stay strong and stick to your guns about sex. It will completely side track you and distract you from your original goals. 

Don’t get me wrong, that shit is good, but seriously just wait till that diploma is in your hands before you discover what a little hedonist you really are. Your parents didn’t equip you with the kind of coping skills you’ll learn later on around that level of pleasure. 

You’re going to get your heart broke. A lot. Like not just this guy, but the next and the next and the next, and it’s going to get brutal. I’d tell you who to avoid, but honestly, you’re a pretty cool chick by your 30s and you kind of need to go through that to get here. You’re going to learn all sorts of things about your strengths and your weaknesses and more importantly you’re going to learn how to cope with the reality fo this world so that it doesn’t kill you.

You even manage to figure out how to keep it from stealing all of your joy. From taking all of your softness. You learn how to turn pain into scars, healed and honored for what they are. You learn how to help others in pain, and it’s a skill that helps you every time. It becomes more valuable than gold, so pay attention.

There will be people waiting for you by the time you reach me. People who will see all these bruised pieces and jagged edges and still hold you. People who will reach past the walls you build to survive and pull out the very best parts of you, and they will care for you fiercely. You will be able to trust them in spite of the scars, because your heart is still as strong as it was when your mother made it.

You’re going to face financial hardships, loneliness like you never thought existed, and you will see the dark face of chaos in every aspect of your life. These things, too, are lessons. They become tools. Once you face down the storm, you understand that you can face down any storm. You will become a warrior, wielding perseverance and ferocity like a shield and sword, cutting down the challenges life throws at you.

Finally, by the time you get to this keyboard to write this letter to yourself, you will be happy. Family will not look the way you imagine it now, it will change and evolve, but know that it’s just as fulfilling as you hope. You will have more love in your life than you will know what to do with. And you will embrace it with open arms and without fear.

Watch out for the red light on Main Street.


You

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