A Panic Attack

Me, around noon today, having had a difficult time with my partners the night before and struggling with residual feelings.

Me: He hasn't said anything since 530 last night.

EGO: YEAH. WE TOLD HIM NOT TO EXPECT A LOT OF TALK BECAUSE YOU'RE BUSY. STAY FOCUSED.

a͎n͎x͎i͎e͎t͎y͎:͎ ͎H͎e͎'͎s͎ ͎m͎a͎d͎ ͎a͎t͎ ͎y͎o͎u͎ ͎-͎ ͎h͎e͎'͎s͎ ͎b͎e͎e͎n͎ ͎s͎h͎o͎r͎t͎ ͎a͎n͎d͎ ͎q͎u͎i͎e͎t͎ ͎b͎e͎c͎a͎u͎s͎e͎ ͎h͎e͎'͎s͎ ͎m͎a͎d͎ ͎a͎t͎ ͎y͎o͎u͎

Me: He's not mad. He's tired. And Ego said--

a͎n͎x͎i͎e͎t͎y͎:͎ ͎b͎i͎t͎c͎h͎ ͎h͎e͎'͎s͎ ͎M͎A͎D͎ ͎a͎n͎d͎ ͎h͎e͎'͎s͎ ͎g͎o͎n͎n͎a͎ ͎i͎g͎n͎o͎r͎e͎ ͎y͎o͎u͎ ͎a͎l͎l͎ ͎d͎a͎y͎

𝐼𝓃𝓃𝑒𝓇 π“Œπ‘œπ“‚π’Άπ“ƒ: πΉπ“Šπ’Έπ“€ 𝒽𝒾𝓂. 𝐻𝑒 π’Ήπ‘œπ‘’π“ˆπ“ƒ'𝓉 π“Œπ’Άπ“ƒπ“‰ π“‰π‘œ 𝓉𝒢𝓁𝓀, π“Œπ‘’ π’Ώπ“Šπ“ˆπ“‰ π“Œπ‘œπ“ƒ'𝓉 𝓉𝒢𝓁𝓀. 𝐻𝑒𝓇𝑒, 𝐼'𝓁𝓁 π’Ώπ“Šπ“ˆπ“‰ 𝓉𝑒𝓍𝓉 𝒷𝒢𝒸𝓀 'π’ͺ𝒦'. 𝒯𝒽𝒢𝓉 π“Œπ’Ύπ“π“ π“ˆπ’½π‘œπ“Œ 𝒽𝒾𝓂.

Me: IW, you're just being petty, stop that. Say something nice.

𝐼𝓃𝓃𝑒𝓇 π“Œπ‘œπ“‚π’Άπ“ƒ: π’©π‘œ.

Me: He's going to get really mad about that, this isn't helping. Say something nice.

 𝐼𝓃𝓃𝑒𝓇 π“Œπ‘œπ“‚π’Άπ“ƒ: π’©π‘œ. 𝐻𝑒 𝒸𝒢𝓃 π“ˆπ’Άπ“Ž π“ˆπ‘œπ“‚π‘’π“‰π’½π’Ύπ“ƒπ‘” 𝓃𝒾𝒸𝑒 π’»π’Ύπ“‡π“ˆπ“‰.

 EGO: GET BACK TO WORK, YOU'RE WASTING VALUABLE TIME.

Me: Yeah, ok ok, I'm going.

a͎n͎x͎i͎e͎t͎y͎:͎ ͎i͎t͎'͎s͎ ͎b͎e͎e͎n͎ ͎h͎o͎u͎r͎s͎.͎ ͎h͎e͎'͎s͎ ͎d͎e͎f͎i͎n͎i͎t͎e͎l͎y͎ ͎c͎o͎l͎d͎ ͎s͎h͎o͎u͎l͎d͎e͎r͎i͎n͎g͎ ͎y͎o͎u͎.͎

Me: A, you've been saying that since we woke up this morning.

a͎n͎x͎i͎e͎t͎y͎:͎ ͎W͎E͎L͎L͎ ͎H͎E͎ ͎I͎S͎.͎

Me: NO. No he's not. Just calm down.

𝐼𝓃𝓃𝑒𝓇 π“Œπ‘œπ“‚π’Άπ“ƒ: π’΄π‘œπ“Š π‘”π‘œπ’Ύπ“ƒπ‘” π“‰π‘œ 𝓁𝑒𝓉 𝒢 𝓂𝒢𝓃 𝓂𝒢𝓀𝑒 π“Žπ‘œπ“Š 𝒻𝑒𝑒𝓁 𝓁𝒾𝓀𝑒 π“‰π’½π’Ύπ“ˆ 𝒢𝑔𝒢𝒾𝓃?

Me: I'm not.. this isn't... please stop. It's fine.

EGO: OK SO SINCE I CAN'T GET YOU TO FOCUS, LET'S THINK ABOUT IT.

Me: EGO! You're supposed to be helping me!

EGO: AND YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE WORKING, BUT HERE WE ARE.

Me: I'm sorry, it's just...

a͎n͎x͎i͎e͎t͎y͎:͎ ͎T͎H͎A͎T͎'͎S͎ ͎I͎T͎.͎ ͎T͎H͎E͎Y͎ ͎W͎A͎N͎T͎ ͎Y͎O͎U͎ ͎T͎O͎ ͎T͎A͎L͎K͎ ͎W͎H͎E͎N͎ ͎Y͎O͎U͎'͎R͎E͎ ͎M͎A͎D͎?͎!͎ ͎W͎E͎L͎L͎ ͎L͎E͎T͎S͎ ͎L͎E͎T͎ ͎H͎I͎M͎ ͎H͎A͎V͎E͎ ͎I͎T͎!͎!͎

𝐼𝓃𝓃𝑒𝓇 π“Œπ‘œπ“‚π’Άπ“ƒ: π’΄π‘’π‘’π‘’π‘’π‘’π‘’π‘’π“ˆ, π’½π‘œπ“ƒπ‘’π“Ž. 𝐿𝑒𝓉 𝒾𝓉 π’ͺ𝒰𝒯.

Me: No, no. Look that's not what they mean by any of this.. please..

EGO: .....

A͎N͎X͎I͎E͎T͎Y͎:͎ ͎I͎'͎M͎ ͎I͎N͎ ͎C͎O͎N͎T͎R͎O͎L͎ ͎N͎O͎W͎.͎ ͎W͎E͎'͎R͎E͎ ͎T͎E͎X͎T͎I͎N͎G͎ ͎H͎I͎M͎,͎ ͎A͎N͎D͎ ͎I͎N͎N͎E͎R͎ ͎W͎O͎M͎A͎N͎ ͎A͎N͎D͎ ͎I͎ ͎A͎R͎E͎ ͎G͎O͎I͎N͎G͎ ͎T͎O͎ ͎L͎E͎T͎ ͎H͎I͎M͎ ͎R͎E͎A͎L͎L͎Y͎ ͎H͎A͎V͎E͎ ͎I͎T͎!͎ ͎I͎ ͎M͎E͎A͎N͎ ͎W͎E͎'͎R͎E͎ ͎T͎E͎L͎L͎I͎N͎G͎ ͎H͎I͎M͎ ͎H͎O͎W͎ ͎D͎O͎N͎E͎ ͎W͎E͎ ͎A͎R͎E͎!͎ ͎L͎E͎T͎S͎ ͎L͎E͎T͎ ͎I͎T͎ ͎O͎--


**text from partner explaining quietness mid rant making the cacaphony of panicked and angry voices stop suddenly.**

Me: .............guys? Hello?

EGO: ....

anxiety: .....

Inner woman: .....

Me: OH COME ON. You guys are LITERALLY assholes right now. 

EGO, anxiety, and IW: No hablo ingles. 

Me: Fine. Fine. You want to do this? Well I'm going to let him see you. 

a͎n͎x͎i͎e͎t͎y͎:͎ ͎w͎a͎i͎t͎ ͎w͎a͎i͎t͎w͎a͎i͎t͎,͎ ͎i͎f͎ ͎y͎o͎u͎ ͎d͎o͎ ͎t͎h͎a͎t͎ ͎h͎e͎'͎l͎l͎ ͎s͎e͎e͎ ͎u͎s͎.͎

Me: Yup. Good job. Now he's going to see all the crazy. 

a͎n͎x͎i͎e͎t͎y͎:͎.....

Me: That shut you up. Now I have to apologize and try not to step in it for two more days. Chill. Your. Shit.

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