A Panic Attack

Me, around noon today, having had a difficult time with my partners the night before and struggling with residual feelings.

Me: He hasn't said anything since 530 last night.

EGO: YEAH. WE TOLD HIM NOT TO EXPECT A LOT OF TALK BECAUSE YOU'RE BUSY. STAY FOCUSED.

a͎n͎x͎i͎e͎t͎y͎:͎ ͎H͎e͎'͎s͎ ͎m͎a͎d͎ ͎a͎t͎ ͎y͎o͎u͎ ͎-͎ ͎h͎e͎'͎s͎ ͎b͎e͎e͎n͎ ͎s͎h͎o͎r͎t͎ ͎a͎n͎d͎ ͎q͎u͎i͎e͎t͎ ͎b͎e͎c͎a͎u͎s͎e͎ ͎h͎e͎'͎s͎ ͎m͎a͎d͎ ͎a͎t͎ ͎y͎o͎u͎

Me: He's not mad. He's tired. And Ego said--

a͎n͎x͎i͎e͎t͎y͎:͎ ͎b͎i͎t͎c͎h͎ ͎h͎e͎'͎s͎ ͎M͎A͎D͎ ͎a͎n͎d͎ ͎h͎e͎'͎s͎ ͎g͎o͎n͎n͎a͎ ͎i͎g͎n͎o͎r͎e͎ ͎y͎o͎u͎ ͎a͎l͎l͎ ͎d͎a͎y͎

𝐼𝓃𝓃𝑒𝓇 𝓌𝑜𝓂𝒶𝓃: 𝐹𝓊𝒸𝓀 𝒽𝒾𝓂. 𝐻𝑒 𝒹𝑜𝑒𝓈𝓃'𝓉 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝒶𝓁𝓀, 𝓌𝑒 𝒿𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝓌𝑜𝓃'𝓉 𝓉𝒶𝓁𝓀. 𝐻𝑒𝓇𝑒, 𝐼'𝓁𝓁 𝒿𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝓉𝑒𝓍𝓉 𝒷𝒶𝒸𝓀 '𝒪𝒦'. 𝒯𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓌 𝒽𝒾𝓂.

Me: IW, you're just being petty, stop that. Say something nice.

𝐼𝓃𝓃𝑒𝓇 𝓌𝑜𝓂𝒶𝓃: 𝒩𝑜.

Me: He's going to get really mad about that, this isn't helping. Say something nice.

 𝐼𝓃𝓃𝑒𝓇 𝓌𝑜𝓂𝒶𝓃: 𝒩𝑜. 𝐻𝑒 𝒸𝒶𝓃 𝓈𝒶𝓎 𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓃𝒾𝒸𝑒 𝒻𝒾𝓇𝓈𝓉.

 EGO: GET BACK TO WORK, YOU'RE WASTING VALUABLE TIME.

Me: Yeah, ok ok, I'm going.

a͎n͎x͎i͎e͎t͎y͎:͎ ͎i͎t͎'͎s͎ ͎b͎e͎e͎n͎ ͎h͎o͎u͎r͎s͎.͎ ͎h͎e͎'͎s͎ ͎d͎e͎f͎i͎n͎i͎t͎e͎l͎y͎ ͎c͎o͎l͎d͎ ͎s͎h͎o͎u͎l͎d͎e͎r͎i͎n͎g͎ ͎y͎o͎u͎.͎

Me: A, you've been saying that since we woke up this morning.

a͎n͎x͎i͎e͎t͎y͎:͎ ͎W͎E͎L͎L͎ ͎H͎E͎ ͎I͎S͎.͎

Me: NO. No he's not. Just calm down.

𝐼𝓃𝓃𝑒𝓇 𝓌𝑜𝓂𝒶𝓃: 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝑔𝑜𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝓁𝑒𝓉 𝒶 𝓂𝒶𝓃 𝓂𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒻𝑒𝑒𝓁 𝓁𝒾𝓀𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝒶𝑔𝒶𝒾𝓃?

Me: I'm not.. this isn't... please stop. It's fine.

EGO: OK SO SINCE I CAN'T GET YOU TO FOCUS, LET'S THINK ABOUT IT.

Me: EGO! You're supposed to be helping me!

EGO: AND YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE WORKING, BUT HERE WE ARE.

Me: I'm sorry, it's just...

a͎n͎x͎i͎e͎t͎y͎:͎ ͎T͎H͎A͎T͎'͎S͎ ͎I͎T͎.͎ ͎T͎H͎E͎Y͎ ͎W͎A͎N͎T͎ ͎Y͎O͎U͎ ͎T͎O͎ ͎T͎A͎L͎K͎ ͎W͎H͎E͎N͎ ͎Y͎O͎U͎'͎R͎E͎ ͎M͎A͎D͎?͎!͎ ͎W͎E͎L͎L͎ ͎L͎E͎T͎S͎ ͎L͎E͎T͎ ͎H͎I͎M͎ ͎H͎A͎V͎E͎ ͎I͎T͎!͎!͎

𝐼𝓃𝓃𝑒𝓇 𝓌𝑜𝓂𝒶𝓃: 𝒴𝑒𝑒𝑒𝑒𝑒𝑒𝑒𝓈, 𝒽𝑜𝓃𝑒𝓎. 𝐿𝑒𝓉 𝒾𝓉 𝒪𝒰𝒯.

Me: No, no. Look that's not what they mean by any of this.. please..

EGO: .....

A͎N͎X͎I͎E͎T͎Y͎:͎ ͎I͎'͎M͎ ͎I͎N͎ ͎C͎O͎N͎T͎R͎O͎L͎ ͎N͎O͎W͎.͎ ͎W͎E͎'͎R͎E͎ ͎T͎E͎X͎T͎I͎N͎G͎ ͎H͎I͎M͎,͎ ͎A͎N͎D͎ ͎I͎N͎N͎E͎R͎ ͎W͎O͎M͎A͎N͎ ͎A͎N͎D͎ ͎I͎ ͎A͎R͎E͎ ͎G͎O͎I͎N͎G͎ ͎T͎O͎ ͎L͎E͎T͎ ͎H͎I͎M͎ ͎R͎E͎A͎L͎L͎Y͎ ͎H͎A͎V͎E͎ ͎I͎T͎!͎ ͎I͎ ͎M͎E͎A͎N͎ ͎W͎E͎'͎R͎E͎ ͎T͎E͎L͎L͎I͎N͎G͎ ͎H͎I͎M͎ ͎H͎O͎W͎ ͎D͎O͎N͎E͎ ͎W͎E͎ ͎A͎R͎E͎!͎ ͎L͎E͎T͎S͎ ͎L͎E͎T͎ ͎I͎T͎ ͎O͎--


**text from partner explaining quietness mid rant making the cacaphony of panicked and angry voices stop suddenly.**

Me: .............guys? Hello?

EGO: ....

anxiety: .....

Inner woman: .....

Me: OH COME ON. You guys are LITERALLY assholes right now. 

EGO, anxiety, and IW: No hablo ingles. 

Me: Fine. Fine. You want to do this? Well I'm going to let him see you. 

a͎n͎x͎i͎e͎t͎y͎:͎ ͎w͎a͎i͎t͎ ͎w͎a͎i͎t͎w͎a͎i͎t͎,͎ ͎i͎f͎ ͎y͎o͎u͎ ͎d͎o͎ ͎t͎h͎a͎t͎ ͎h͎e͎'͎l͎l͎ ͎s͎e͎e͎ ͎u͎s͎.͎

Me: Yup. Good job. Now he's going to see all the crazy. 

a͎n͎x͎i͎e͎t͎y͎:͎.....

Me: That shut you up. Now I have to apologize and try not to step in it for two more days. Chill. Your. Shit.

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